Dear mum, don't read this blog post.

I recently read that in a national survey, 1 out of 5 women said that they have never masturbated in their lifetime. Compare this with the stats for men: 1 in 927. Shocking. It's no secret that female masturbation is a taboo topic.

When you think about the term 'wanking', the immediate visualisation is that of a male. I attended secondary school between the years of 2007 and 2011 and still then, it was never talked about really. There was the odd conversation at paries, between close girl friends, but nothing open and honest. In sex education, I remember that the boys were advised to 'practise putting on a condom at home', which is an obvious code for 'have a posh wank'. There is always this ingrained science that in order to reproduce, men need to cum. They deposit their sperm. They have a great old time. What about the woman? We're never taught that the woman also needs to cum. Obviously, I know that biologically, this is not true to ~make babies~ however, it would be nice, ey?

My point is, throughout my time in school there was a clear distinction: boys should cum, doesn't really matter if girls cum. This notion is often carried through to porn; where the female finds it extremely easy to orgasm, or the porn is focused on the male orgasming.

Let's be honest, porn isn't honest.

In my experience of most porn, the female takes around 0.347 seconds to successfully self-lubricate and even less time for whatever weird strumming action the male is doing to make the female feel good. I think this is why so many straight and bisexual women opt for lesbian porn. Even though it's still very porn-y unrealistic, it's definitely more patient and detailed.

According to Porn Hub, lesbian porn is the 4th most popular category on their site, and women are actually the ones who are seeking it out. Women are 132 times more likely to search for lesbian porn than men.

Having read a paper by Megan Flemming Ph.D, it is apparent that straight women prefer lesbian porn or female masturbation porn because it takes time to focus on clitoral stimulation and female oral sex, something which is never a prevalent activity in heterosexual porn. Megan also suggests that if you're wanting to give gentle nudges to your sexual partner, lesbian porn is the way forward. Hetero couples who watched lesbian porn together found that the woman was 78% more likely to orgasm after they had watched lesbian porn together.

Moving on from hetero couples who have a boring sex life: let's chat about wanking again. I cannot stress the importance of exploring yourself sexually. If you don't know what turns you on, how do you expect someone else to get it right? It's been proven that masturbation helps reduce stress hormones, release endorphins, helps you sleep better, improves your self-esteem and body confidence, relieves menstrual cramps, strengthens your pelvic muscles. Plus, there's no risk of an STI or pregnancy (unless you're doing something super weird...??) There are no obvious downsides to masturbating, essentially.

If you're exploring yourself and having struggles on finding out what turns you on, definitely watch some porn (it seems like lesbian porn is the way forward) or grab a sex toy - perhaps a vibrator or bullet? These are probably the most common sex toy amongst women; they're super affordable and easy to get hold of. If you're after something cheap and cheerful to try out, look on Ann Summers or LoveHoney; ordering online is discreet as it comes in unbranded packaging and the sender address is listed as an unidentifiable name!

If you're already a self-love queen and you've ~been there done that~, you'll probably want to be introduced to my new (*gifted) best friend: the Lelo Sona Cruise. It's a sonic clitoral massager that stimulates 75% more of your clitoris than your average sex toy - and trust me, it works. "Sonic clitoral massager" isn't just some fancy talk for "vibrator". Oh no. It's built with Lelo's signature Cruise Control and SONA tech. This means it doesn't rely on vibrations. It uses sonic waves to stimulate the clit all the way, even the inside bits you can't touch or see. It has 8 different settings which you can vary in intensity, so there's something for everyone's rhythm and sensitivity. With easy to use buttons, it's simple to navigate and has a discreet sound. What's best is that it has a USB charger and it's 100% waterproof, including the charging socket. So, in the words of Lelo - "if you like Pina Coladas, and getting caught in the rain... your chariot has arrived". Solo sesh in the bath, shower, hot tub, anywhere you please...




Also yes, I have actually been hashtag gifted a sex toy. Tell me my job isn't the best, I dare you.

I'm not just writing this in because it's been gifted, by the way, I had this blog post drafted up a long time ago. I just thought I would incorporate Lelo into it as I love their brand and what they stand for: female pleasure and liberation. I was sent the Lelo Sona Cruise but I had no obligation to write or mention it on my socials or blog. It's a product that I genuinely think can help a lot of women feel sexy and confident about sex.

Finally, to answer my own initial question: why is female masturbation so taboo? It's because the majority of people (men) are watching shit porn that focuses on their pleasures instead of a woman's. My conclusion? Dump him, sis, then buy a Lelo.